Issue No.4 March/July 1984

Run Mouse Over Photograph!!!

Another Letter to FitzMaffs

by G. Jones

Cell 8, North Wing

Syracuse, Sicily

Dear FitzMafia,

Edmund Cannon's learned dissertation on the life of Archimedes prompts one or two comments. Clearly, to run along the streets in his birthday suit, the man had no principles. Indeed, as the basis of his claim to fame, one account reports his exclamation as, "Eureka, eureka, I've become the first streaker."

If Mr. Cannon's translation of 'eureka' is correct, then it is a wonder that anybody remained within hearing distance to ascertain what the brilliant discovery was. I mean, would you hang around if a naked scientist who took gold crowns into the bath with him at four seconds to midnight (see page 37 of issue No.3) came raging down the street yelling, "I've got it! I've got it!"? And you try telling that to the police at the next England-v-Wales rugby international at Twickers when you fancy a quick streak across the pitch. "I've got it!" you repeat as they whisk you off to the nearest isolation unit. Start telling them that you'll lever the world if only you had a place to stand and they'll have you in a strait jacket before you can say, "Differential nucleus."

Now, what is a differential nucleus? You may well ask. Could it be at the centre of a differential atom? Or is it some sort of crown and pinion gearing system, an integral part of sub-atomic fluxions? The biographer Cannon gives no clue.

However, one important fact can be learned from Mr. Cannon's article: working on mathematical problems can seriously damage your health.

Yours faithfully,

G. Jones

P.S. It was well known in the ancient world that there was something loose in the great scientist's head. Everybody knew about Archimedes' screw.